I am the key to your misery


Till today

I cannot fathom

Why is it that you hurt

Me and you


In every way

I cannot remember

A time when

You were happy

And I was too

I cannot remember

A time when

We did not fight

I’ve always tried to pretend

That the words you say

Were just words

Nothing but the alcohol

Using your mouth

As a speaker


I can no longer pretend

Because alcohol doesn’t speak for you

It helps you

Loosen the words

You’ve kept deep inside

You have always thought

Of me as nothing but

A burden

A bastard

A bitch

Useless and weak

Those words have always

Cut me inside

I kept them hidden

As if they were a secret

They were the words

You proclaimed upon me

So when others call me




I cannot believe them

I cannot understand

I try so hard

To make you happy

I try every day

Not to say the words

That will trigger you

To rage and doubt

I try day after day

To make it right

So that your life

Will be better

Than you could ever imagine

In this lifetime

And yet

With one single word

You can turn it

Upside down

Into chaos

And fear

How can I make it better

When you choose not to

When you choose to take

The path

To sorrow

To regrets

I blame myself

For everything

I blame myself


I am the key

To your misery

Others yell at me

Others tell me

That’s not true

That its you

Who should have changed

Who should have apologized

But I cannot

Because you have ingrained in me

That your life

Was irrevocably damaged

Because of my

Very existence

And when blows are exchanged

When you start to hit me

All I can do

Is to let you

Use me

As a punching bag


You will wake up

And remember the night

As nothing more


A nightmare

You will start to regret

But only a little

And you will say


I am so sorry

Forgive me

Despite your apology

Your honest regret

You still leave bruises

Over my skin

You still leave scars

Over my heart

One day

Some day

I will recover

But will you?

Will we take that step


An attempt in poetry.

Thank you for reading.

Love, Nicole.

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