Sun and Moon

I’m like the tide.

I’m pulled and tugged, and laid to rest by you.

Your anger, your sorrows, all your whims and fancy, they are the source of my indecisiveness.

Your cries, they pierce through me.

You cry, and say love me.

Yet when I hold you close, you stab me, you wound me, before you push me away to bleed.

When I hold you, you unravel me, you break me, and you push me away to rot alone.


I’m like the tide.

And you hold power over me.

I would like to say that you’re the moon, the orb that shines in the sky guiding me in the dark nights.

But you’re the one that leads me astray, with lights and illusions, and paths not meant to be taken.

I would like to say you’re the sun, that brings life, that brings light to my life.

But you’re the one that burns me, with your heat and temperament, and you leave me to dry under your gaze.

Like the sun, and the moon, that plays with the tide, you play with my emotions, you play with my life.


I’m like the tide.

And I will not forget your hold over me.

There is not a day that passes that I do not think of you. There is not a day that passes that my heart does not weep for you.

Our roots are tangled up together, our bodies intertwined. There is no escaping fate, there is no escaping reality.

We will never be rid of each other, we will never part for too long. We can only bend away, move away, further and further, our eyes refusing to glance at each other.

Even in death we will meet again.

For you surround me, and I cannot escape.

I am but the tide.

And you are my Sun and my Moon.

Poets In Progress Workshop #1

So I attended a poetry workshop recently. I wanted to experience how it was going to a poetry workshop and it was pretty interesting.



It was hosted by If Walls Could Talk – Poetry Open Mic, organized by the amazing Ms Melizarani (I love her poems too!).


Continue reading “Poets In Progress Workshop #1”

Medical Books TBR

Tumblr has the best sources for stuff that I like. I’ve been following some Medblrs, and they’ve come up with a list of books that every doctor should attempt to read.

Being a lover of books, I’ve decided to put the list up in case anyone would like to get them for me *hint*, or if you’d like to purchase them for yourself to enjoy. I’ll probably update this list from time to time too.

But here they are!



1. Every Patient Tells A Story – Lisa Sanders M.D.
2. Informed Consent – Benjamin J. Brown M.D.
3. Medical School Admissions Guide – Suzanne Miller
4. Medical School Interview – Fleenor
5. The Mindful Medical Student – Jeremy Spiegel
6. Med School Confidential – Robert H. Miller
7. Becoming A Physician – Jennifer Danek
8. On Call – Emily R. Transue M.D.
9. Hot Lights, Cold Steel – Michael J. Collins
10. Blue Collar, Blue Scrubs – Michael J. Collins
11. The Night Shift – Brian Goldman
12. The House of God – Samuel Shem
13. Kill As Few Patients As Possible (And 56 other ways on how to be the world’s best doctor) – Oscar London
14. The Secret Language of Doctors – Brian Goldman
15. How Doctors Think – Jerome Groopman
16. First, Do No Harm – Lisa Belkin
17. Better – Atul Gawande
18. Complications – Atul Gawande
19. Being Mortal – Atul Gawande
20. The Checklist Manifesto – Atul Gawande
21. The Real Doctor Will See you Shortly – Matt Mccarthy
22. Final Exam: A Surgeon’s Reflections on Mortality – Pauline Chen




That’s all for today’s random blog post.

Thank you for reading!

Love, Nicole.

Lies and Pretense

My memories of the past

Have always contained you

At the heart of it all

For you built my core.

In the present filled with pain

I cannot fathom why

Where has the you gone?

The you that I knew so well.

You were my light

So benevolent and kind

You taught me to live

And I would live for you.

Yet I am led to believe

That I’ve been wrong all along

That maybe you’ve always hurt

Covered in despair and darkness.

I was blinded by your pretense

Of alrights and I’m fine

I saw only what I wanted to see

Never the pain you hid inside.

My eyes were blinded

To the real you that hurt me

I tried to believe instead

That you were just drunk on lies.

I cannot look away now

I cannot unhear

The truth of the words you spill

From your lips that smells like alcohol.

I mourn for the you

That shined so brightly before

The you that I hope

Was not a lie from the start.

Continue reading “Lies and Pretense”

The Distance Between Us

Today, like any other day

I thought of you and I cried

I’m here

And you are so far away.

There are too many miles between our hearts

Too many hurdles to overcome

Too little words between us

Not spoken in anger and regret.

And yet

With one word from you

I would throw it all

Just to be back with you.

Even though I know

This peace won’t last

Because you are who you are

And I too, am who I am.


We will not fight anymore

Only tears left drying

On tombstones in graveyards.

Continue reading “The Distance Between Us”


Tonight I can’t sleep

For you are sad and lonely

And I am the cause.

You tell me to change

My mindset that blames myself

When you are to blame.

The turmoil inside

For you are the hurricane

That has shattered me.

I miss you so much

In all the ways that matter

Yet you don’t miss me.

I still bear the scars

From the words you hurl at me

Please let them be lies.

My heart beats weakly

Burdened by hurts and sorrows

And your heart is free.

Can’t you see the truth

That my love for you is true

You wish to be blind.

I can’t feel happy

Your jealousy eats my joys

So I cry instead.

Both of us are sad

We are both filled with regrets

And not enough words.

I can only write

My emotions on this page

I hope you see them.

Love, Nicole.


Till today

I cannot fathom

Why is it that you hurt

Me and you


In every way

I cannot remember

A time when

You were happy

And I was too

I cannot remember

A time when

We did not fight

I’ve always tried to pretend

That the words you say

Were just words

Nothing but the alcohol

Using your mouth

As a speaker


I can no longer pretend

Because alcohol doesn’t speak for you

It helps you

Loosen the words

You’ve kept deep inside

You have always thought

Of me as nothing but

A burden

A bastard

A bitch

Useless and weak

Those words have always

Cut me inside

I kept them hidden

As if they were a secret

They were the words

You proclaimed upon me

So when others call me




I cannot believe them

I cannot understand

I try so hard

To make you happy

I try every day

Not to say the words

That will trigger you

To rage and doubt

I try day after day

To make it right

So that your life

Will be better

Than you could ever imagine

In this lifetime

And yet

With one single word

You can turn it

Upside down

Into chaos

And fear

How can I make it better

When you choose not to

When you choose to take

The path

To sorrow

To regrets

I blame myself

For everything

I blame myself


I am the key

To your misery

Others yell at me

Others tell me

That’s not true

That its you

Who should have changed

Who should have apologized

But I cannot

Because you have ingrained in me

That your life

Was irrevocably damaged

Because of my

Very existence

And when blows are exchanged

When you start to hit me

All I can do

Is to let you

Use me

As a punching bag


You will wake up

And remember the night

As nothing more


A nightmare

You will start to regret

But only a little

And you will say


I am so sorry

Forgive me

Despite your apology

Your honest regret

You still leave bruises

Over my skin

You still leave scars

Over my heart

One day

Some day

I will recover

But will you?

Will we take that step


An attempt in poetry.

Thank you for reading.

Love, Nicole.