Day: November 12, 2015

Recover

~ Nic ~ Leave a comment

Till today

I cannot fathom

Why is it that you hurt

Me and you

Everyday

In every way

–

I cannot remember

A time when

You were happy

And I was too

I cannot remember

A time when

We did not fight

–

I’ve always tried to pretend

That the words you say

Were just words

Nothing but the alcohol

Using your mouth

As a speaker

–

Now

I can no longer pretend

Because alcohol doesn’t speak for you

It helps you

Loosen the words

You’ve kept deep inside

–

You have always thought

Of me as nothing but

A burden

A bastard

A bitch

Useless and weak

–

Those words have always

Cut me inside

I kept them hidden

As if they were a secret

They were the words

You proclaimed upon me

–

So when others call me

Strong

Brave

Selfless

I cannot believe them

I cannot understand

–

I try so hard

To make you happy

I try every day

Not to say the words

That will trigger you

To rage and doubt

–

I try day after day

To make it right

So that your life

Will be better

Than you could ever imagine

In this lifetime

–

And yet

With one single word

You can turn it

Upside down

Into chaos

And fear

–

How can I make it better

When you choose not to

When you choose to take

The path

To sorrow

To regrets

–

I blame myself

For everything

I blame myself

Because

I am the key

To your misery

–

Others yell at me

Others tell me

That’s not true

That its you

Who should have changed

Who should have apologized

–

But I cannot

Because you have ingrained in me

That your life

Was irrevocably damaged

Because of my

Very existence

–

And when blows are exchanged

When you start to hit me

All I can do

Is to let you

Use me

As a punching bag

–

Tomorrow

You will wake up

And remember the night

As nothing more

Than

A nightmare

–

You will start to regret

But only a little

And you will say

Oh

I am so sorry

Forgive me

–

Despite your apology

Your honest regret

You still leave bruises

Over my skin

You still leave scars

Over my heart

–

One day

Some day

I will recover

But will you?

Will we take that step

Together?

An attempt in poetry.

Thank you for reading.

Love, Nicole.